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I’m currently reading Trinh T Minh-Ha for my doctorate. She writes lyrically about the tensions of being a woman writer of colour, and how one is read and burdened with guilt about the community one comes from. There is a burden of representation that is projected onto writers of colour which is something I wish to speak against, we are many voiced. I’m also inspired by the idea of a “minor literature” proposed by Kafka which is political writing in a dominant tongue- ie writing in English from a politicised position within the mainstream.  Nowadays this is the position that I am writing from. Interrogating my own position as a Vietnamese-Australian university educated woman I find interesting. When I wrote “Vixen” I was naive about what would be projected onto me as a result. These literary thinkers liberate me from the representation trap, and politicise my public responses.

Am in Saigon airport, dwelling in the present moment and thinking about the retreat. I have learnt so much and been so inspired by Thay’s lectures. The last lecture was on no birth no death and the idea of continuation, self and no self. I have vowed to all five of the mindfulness training this time and my new dharma name is awakened embrace of the heart. I will reduce my consuption of red meat and alcohol and be more mindful and take mindful breaths at work. The last event of the retreat was a walking meditation around Hoan kiem Lake in the centre of Hanoi. Pictures will be posted later.

I have been dreaming of going back to Vietnam recently, always to return to temples. The most recent dream had a Buddhist nun talking to me saying that the answers to my questions lay within. This had a pretty deep and profound impact on me.
I have been reading the latest Thich Nhat Hanh book titled “ethics for a better life” or something like that which is a commentary on the five mindfulness trainings. Reading it puts me back in that space where I was on the retreat in Vietnam.
I have just begun counselling work again and I notice that my approach is different. I now open myself up to listen deeply and with compassion- rather than using theory and professionalism as a presence. it feels much more comfortable. maybe in western training theory and research and professionalism are used as defenses. we are taught how to sound like we’re listening but not to really listen.

Talked at the youth conference last week- where I was first after lunch- a bad position to start from. They didn’t stop chatting until I started reading them a story- which I guess shows me what they are more interested in listening to!
I have been mentoring another writer Heidi Ch’ng and we have been talking about the ending of novels. Like Ursula Le Guin I believe that drama and narrative is about change and so by the end of the novel I expect some change or transformation to have occurred at some point.

I’ve also recently spoke at a Victorian Writers Centre gig about writing culture. I found it really refreshing to listen to Alice Pung and her take on writing about her culture of origin. Gorkem Acaroglu a Russian-Turkish artist also talked about defying stereotypes and respecting other cultures. As for me writing about Vietnamese culture and Buddhism is part of my milieu at the moment- because I’m still fascinated with ghosts, spirits and madness.

Alice Pung has asked me to write for the Asian-Australian book she is editing. I have found to my surprise that my rage has gone. I don’t know where it went- it may be because I have now found a home in Vietnamese Buddhism and amongst the younger generation Australian-Vietnamese so I’m not so displaced from my culture of origin anymore. Maybe that story of transformation is what I can write about for Alice’s book.

Have been on a 4 day lay retreat with Thay for 6000 people and a 3 day retreat for just the international sangha- the 80 lay people from around the world whom are accompanying him.
The four day retreat consisted of walking meditation, a dharma talk, dharma discussion and lots of food for lunch and dinner. The dharma talks were basic but covered family relationships and dealing with anger. I have heard that Thay repeats himself a lot- and it has been true of this trip. But every time he speaks you hear something different to learn. In the three day retreat our dharma teacher Tony from Australia gave a talk on the mindfulness trainings and I took four out of the five mindfulness trainings in a beautiful ceremony (I omitted the one about consumption because I drink alcohol). I like how the mindfulness trainings are viewed as aspirations not rules. We had a tea ceremony at which people shared their experiences and particularly about the nature of interbeing. It was so moving it made me want to cry with joy- especially after we did a hugging meditation. My new dharma name is compassionate nourishment of the heart- “of the heart” is the root name of anyone whom is taught by Thay (or in our case on behalf of Thay) and we are the 42nd or 43rd generation of his Zen lineage.
In my case I want to nourish compassion for myself, my loved ones and the entire planet.
This whole trip makes me think peace is possible and I hope that i can spread the dharma joy around.