I have been dreaming of going back to Vietnam recently, always to return to temples. The most recent dream had a Buddhist nun talking to me saying that the answers to my questions lay within. This had a pretty deep and profound impact on me.
I have been reading the latest Thich Nhat Hanh book titled “ethics for a better life” or something like that which is a commentary on the five mindfulness trainings. Reading it puts me back in that space where I was on the retreat in Vietnam.
I have just begun counselling work again and I notice that my approach is different. I now open myself up to listen deeply and with compassion- rather than using theory and professionalism as a presence. it feels much more comfortable. maybe in western training theory and research and professionalism are used as defenses. we are taught how to sound like we’re listening but not to really listen.

Talked at the youth conference last week- where I was first after lunch- a bad position to start from. They didn’t stop chatting until I started reading them a story- which I guess shows me what they are more interested in listening to!
I have been mentoring another writer Heidi Ch’ng and we have been talking about the ending of novels. Like Ursula Le Guin I believe that drama and narrative is about change and so by the end of the novel I expect some change or transformation to have occurred at some point.

I’ve also recently spoke at a Victorian Writers Centre gig about writing culture. I found it really refreshing to listen to Alice Pung and her take on writing about her culture of origin. Gorkem Acaroglu a Russian-Turkish artist also talked about defying stereotypes and respecting other cultures. As for me writing about Vietnamese culture and Buddhism is part of my milieu at the moment- because I’m still fascinated with ghosts, spirits and madness.

Alice Pung has asked me to write for the Asian-Australian book she is editing. I have found to my surprise that my rage has gone. I don’t know where it went- it may be because I have now found a home in Vietnamese Buddhism and amongst the younger generation Australian-Vietnamese so I’m not so displaced from my culture of origin anymore. Maybe that story of transformation is what I can write about for Alice’s book.

Have been on a 4 day lay retreat with Thay for 6000 people and a 3 day retreat for just the international sangha- the 80 lay people from around the world whom are accompanying him.
The four day retreat consisted of walking meditation, a dharma talk, dharma discussion and lots of food for lunch and dinner. The dharma talks were basic but covered family relationships and dealing with anger. I have heard that Thay repeats himself a lot- and it has been true of this trip. But every time he speaks you hear something different to learn. In the three day retreat our dharma teacher Tony from Australia gave a talk on the mindfulness trainings and I took four out of the five mindfulness trainings in a beautiful ceremony (I omitted the one about consumption because I drink alcohol). I like how the mindfulness trainings are viewed as aspirations not rules. We had a tea ceremony at which people shared their experiences and particularly about the nature of interbeing. It was so moving it made me want to cry with joy- especially after we did a hugging meditation. My new dharma name is compassionate nourishment of the heart- “of the heart” is the root name of anyone whom is taught by Thay (or in our case on behalf of Thay) and we are the 42nd or 43rd generation of his Zen lineage.
In my case I want to nourish compassion for myself, my loved ones and the entire planet.
This whole trip makes me think peace is possible and I hope that i can spread the dharma joy around.

Today went to Chua Linh Son where Thay went after rebelling against his root temple in order to practise engaged Buddhism- which interacts with the community. He talked about taking care of your loved ones and the three reconciliation ceremonies that are taking place in Vietnam to grieve for all those whom have suffered during the war on both sides. This and the dharma discussion we had amongst ourselves made me realise that I have been indirectly affected by the war, by the violence and mental illness in my family which is partly caused by the war and civil unrest when my mother’s generation was growing up. Although I have grieved for this for myself and dealt with it through therapy on an individual basis I think engaging in a collective ceremony would be an incredible experience. The dharma talk also made me want to contact Alister even more- which unfortunately I cannot for another two weeks when I return to Australia.

It is my last night in Hanoi before I go to Ho Chi Minh City to go on a three week journey with Thich Nhat Hanh- a famous Vietnamese Zen Monk whom is in exile from Vietnam (Because he supported ending the war). I will be in Saigon, Dalat and then hopefully Bao Loc depending on when I can change my flight out till. I will be blogging this trip on my other blog at
http://interbeinginvietnam.blogspot.com/ since it will have mostly to do with reflections on Buddhist stuff.
Been catching up with the few true friends I’ve made in Vietnam and spending time doing last minute shopping. My mother’s partner Anthony whom is white South African has had to hide when we go into shops so they won’t put the prices up. Hanoi during Tet is amazingly different most of the shops are closed and on the second day people come out in their best clothes to visit people.
I’m sad I’m leaving Hanoi and the residency is almost over. But it’s been a productive time and I’ve gained a lot from the residency- as well as the two publications I already mentioned Griffith Review is interested in seeing a piece from me as well after I sent them a proposal.
It has planted the seeds in my imagination for more work to come, and given me more grist for the mill for my theatre project Silence. Actualising my Buddhist beliefs into practice has also been a turning point for me.